RIP MY DARLING 2016 https://m.facebook.com/heidielizabethhamming/posts/?ref=page_internal&mt_nav=0 RIP MY BROTHER 2017 https://www.theherald.com.au/story/5588116/man-who-left-scene-after-fatal-to-face-trial/ People must wonder what someone who’s been through some tough times thinks about. Well I don’t talk about my emotions or what’s inside. On the outside I try to smile and look normal. But here’s a glimpse of what is inside. My apologies to anyone who gets upset by what I’ve written. I just want to let some of it out. I miss you. I’m sorry. If you could feel what I do everyday you wouldn’t blame me for trying to faff the day away. So you don’t think about the 2 people that aren’t here anymore. Yet somehow they seem to follow you around all day, constantly reminding you of the 2 biggest problems you can’t fix. So you try and you succeed to fix other stupid things. In reality tho your just wasting your life away. It’s cold, it’s dark and it’s painfully lonely in my thoughts and dreams. My dreams? Let’s see. Dan sitting there, all alone, unknowingly dying, gut wrenching crying, in vain he’s trying, to call out to his son. He can’t make a sound tho, cause his mouths all caved in, there’s so much blood everywhere. Dazed and confused, the shocks kicked in. He doesn’t know what happened but Dan knows it’s bad. He’s alone, still sitting there, dying all alone. I try to reach over, trying to help. But no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to change anything. That’s right I’m dreaming. Boom Everything’s black. Mum Mum Mum. Is that Braxy calling? Why won’t this seatbelt undo? Why is it so slippery? This bloods making it impossible. What!? Who’s blood? Shit, I think that’s mine. Why can’t I fucking move. Hang on, that’s right, Kenadee’s in the van too. I’ll call out. I’m scared Mum, she says in reply. I think I’m dead Mum, it’s black and I can’t move, I hear Braxy calling. Sounds like he needs help. Gotta send kenadee to get help for braxy boy, he’s gotta play soccer soon. I will mum I’m ok I’ll climb out the window and get someone. She’s a tough cookie my daughter, I’ll have to buy her a present when we get home. Now what the hell is pinning me to this chair? The pain, it’s everywhere, why does it hurts so much? That’s weird, why can’t I feel my legs? I need to get help to braxy, better tell him to stay awake. Don’t you go to sleep braxy……… everything fades away. The vans purring well this morning. I find myself sitting in the passenger seat. I look across and think Heidi’s looking a little tired. You awake baby. Hmmmm She didn’t seem to hear me. That’s weird. Shit, why’s she got her eyes closed. HEIDI WAKE UP. Why can’t she hear me? She’s vearing off the road! Why won’t my hands grip the wheel? I need to turn. There’s a guard rail. NO! Slowmotion can be excruciating. Especially when your watching your best friend, your lover, your world, getting ripped in half and pinned to her seat. Yet somehow, almost happy. You watch the guardrail twist and bend in directions that defy physical law. It’s as if 2 hands were bending it, bending with ease almost like it’s Play-Doh. As it bends and contorts you watch as somehow the impossible happens. The railing misses the kids in the back taking the one safe path out threw the back. But why? What did she do? What did she not do? Why cause so much pain? I thought You loved her? I thought You would have woken her up. She forgot to say goodbye that morning. Why didn’t You at least remind her to say goodbye? Heidi always said goodbye. Always. I met her once in my dreams I’ve seen Dan once too. I know I’ll see them again one day. This is just a small corner of my innermost thoughts and dreams. I hope you never visit for none have the strength to climb there way out from here. Lucky for me, I’m getting a helping hand. He’s been down even lower, to the very depths of this lonely place. He stole the keys and left a lantern in there space. Hopefully this helps someone who thinks dark and gloomy thoughts. It’s okay. There are probably other people that smile at you and look happy as Larry but have just mastered the art of emotional camoflauge. If you honestly call Me, I will answer. I am the Promise Keeper. I am the Healer. I Am. [link] [comments] Raw emotions from a stone cold heart published first on https://neuroscientia.blogspot.com/ via Tumblr Raw emotions from a stone cold heart
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With an academic background in health and Creative Writing, I’m endlessly curious about mental health, bioethics, and genetics. I’m passionate about research and delivering high quality, reliable content to my readers. I’m a certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor and wellness educator. |